Featured

False Positives In Self-Care Can Suck

False positives in self-care can suck the life out of you and your process.

Affirmations and guided meditations can seem like the right “tools” to use to build a solid self-care routine, from a spiritual aspect or otherwise, because they’re available. Because they rise up to meet you almost everywhere. And when you’re looking, you can find them readily. And frankly, many people agree that they work.

But just because something exists doesn’t mean that it’s useful. Or more importantly, its existence doesn’t guarantee its usefulness to you.

I don’t much like affirmations or guided meditations. Hate affirmations, in fact. I love positive thinking but hate “affirmations” as guides to altering one’s discontent with oneself or one’s life. I grew up in the time of the “peace, love and understanding” of the 70s that was bred by the burgeoning self-awareness of the 60s. In the 70s, there were people who thought acting in neutered ways would bring them “inner peace and happiness;” that if they cut themselves off from their tumultuous emotional side, they’d be at peace. It wasn’t true that their emotional side was tumultuous, but I think human beings as a whole were experimenting with numbing themselves – via drugs or other means – as a way to reach some sort of nirvana.1 And to most human beings, nirvana can’t include their whole selves. Affirmations, as we know them today, were birthed from this time.

Affirming or Detaching?

Affirmations, to me, represent a false front. ‘I’m going to act like I feel good. But do I really feel good?’ There’s no access to taking one’s temperature – feeling into oneself – and knowing the real answer to that question.

Acting like I feel good has no basis in reality if I don’t actually feel good.

Do I feel good? Do I know if I feel good?

Feeling good is feeling good. Nothing else can be substituted. And the way to feel good? It is personal. It cannot be duplicated. There are no formulas. You must feel into yourself. Feel into your feelings. You can only know from your own experience.

I’m about authenticity. If you’re angry, scream. Not at someone. Just out loud. The point? To feel through your emotion. They are temporal. They give you life, not suck it out of you.

If you’re sad, cry. Most of you won’t like this one. We’ve been taught to “fix our faces.” “Don’t cry.” “Let’s make it better.” “That’s an ugly face.” “Let’s turn that frown upside down.” We’ve been told more times than we consciously realize not to honor our sadness. No wonder it’s so difficult for anyone to be empathized with in public for their organic responses in the state of grief. As a society, we simply won’t allow it.

You deserve to have the space to feel. what. you. feel.

Who’s going to give you that room? Only you. We stand for so much today, but… do you stand for yourself?

To feel through your own real and, maybe even, raw emotions is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. That is the realest revolution of your own bliss you can have. An evolution of you in your own process.

Look, I’m about getting what works for you. If affirmations and guided meditations genuinely work for you, then do you. I’ll say it again, take only what resonates with you here, and leave all else behind.

Isn’t meditation the thing?

Absolutely. Meditation is an extraordinary tool, and a necessary one in this age of multitasking – which could be called “multi-braining.” We think of our work even when our eyes are shut for the night. We don’t shut down our minds nearly enough.

But I don’t think guided meditations serve the purpose of stilling the mind. Words are being said, words that you might not agree with; words that may make you feel bad but you go with because they’re recorded. Your mind is still running and thinking, and in the end, the whole purpose of meditation is stunted.

Just follow your breath. That’s all.

For 30 minutes, or for 5 minutes. Either way, you’ve taken some time out. You’re connecting to the you within you. Some time out each day, every day, beats some idea you have of what the Dalai Lama or a Buddhist monk / nun would do.

Affirmations… if you don’t feel them, they provide nothing. It’s not about “do they work” or “can they work,” but are they working for you? Affirmations have been held up by many as a way or retraining yourself to think positively. But that premise can be like trying to put a band-aid on a fire hose of negative thought flow to stop it. You can see how well that’s gonna work. If you’re not in the right head space, affirmations will only make you feel worse. Not better. By a long shot.

Anxiety can be linked to the neurons in your colon and the poor digestive issues you may experience. Most times your negative thoughts are beyond your control, and the impact is in your body beyond your mind. You want to find “tools” – if you want to think of them that way – that suit you and benefit your individual desires.

Find out the connection your body has with your mind. Learn from others who are making connections what may be at work in your body and your mind. Get support to decipher wholly your connection to your spirit. You don’t need others to tell you what’s up with you, just open yourself to the possibilities that their dots connected might inspire your own dots connecting.

We are constantly evolving as humanity. We are all unique and yet we all have the design of a human being: a face, head, body, brain, stomach, thoughts, feelings and more. We all have wounds, and we can all feel good.

Feel around within your emotional core. The first feel may be a strange experience, if you’ve never done this before. Not a problem. Begin again. It’s a practice. The best is when you can simply listen to you. This can be challenging, especially if you’re used to noise all around you. It requires patience and trust for yourself, and you can build on those even if you’re not so adept at first.

Remember, nirvana is best when it includes your whole self, and not just this piece or that piece of you. Including your whole self is a (r)evolution of bliss.

Check in with you. Feel your way into you. Find your own guidance.

It’s you. You’re the key.

Copyright © 2021 the revolution of bliss — All rights reserved

1 The 70s weren’t a lone time in which people experimented in these ways, but this decade is more well-known than other times in history, mostly due to how many extremes it is marked by.

Featured

Real Bliss 705

copyright © 2021 the revolution of bliss -– All rights reserved

False Positives In Self-Care Can Suck
False positives are more a part of our consciousness than they ever …
Easy Like Sunday Morning
Lionel Richie's song, yes, I am. It's got something to it, and …
Featured

Do You Really Give A F*k About Your Emotions? You Should.

It’s about time you stop acting like your emotions are the bane of your existence.

For a rare few of you, that last statement does not apply. But let’s not kid ourselves here. For most of you, that last statement completely applies. You are simply not friggin’ interested in your emotions or what they have to tell you. You’d rather IGNORE, AVOID, SUPPRESS and DENY your emotions than actually look to them as the powerful tools they are. Well, if that’s so and you don’t think that’s an issue, then this post will say nothing to you that you want to hear. However, if you’re even a tad bit interested after all my antagonism, then read on!

Originally, this post was the 2nd in a 3-part series. But forget the series. If the only thing you read is this post, then you’ll begin to get ahead of the game and start to really discover the gifts your emotions have to give you.


Our emotions are powerful tools that few of us recognize as such. We often think of being emotional as being weak. This is a common misconception among us human beings. And you want to really confront this misconception. Because it is truly at the base of most misunderstandings about emotions and their integral nature to our personal power.

We, as a society, have begun this dialogue about emotional intelligence, but what do we really know about it – beyond the catch phrases and things that have been said already and so many times in the zeitgeist? More and more we are discovering the power emotions wield in the productivity of our everyday lives, and yet we still remain disconnected from the true effect and impact our emotions have on us and on our health, mental and physical. We still hold our emotions distant and separate from ourselves, like novelties to be marveled at. But, take solace. We are beginning to recognize their integral nature in our power and how our power is elevated by emotional intelligence.

Begin @ The Beginning: The Flow

Our greatest consciousness of the flow of life is our recognition of being in sync with that flow. I’m saying, that our best recognition of this “flow” of life that we’ve all heard of is when we are having a direct experience of it. Athletes call it, “being in the zone.” It is this sense we have of everything going our way. It is a sense that we are a part of something larger. It is a sense that we are in a grand flow much greater than ourselves and it is allowing us, possibly even guiding us, on a path that has all manner of things aligning as we go.

You’ve called it Providence. You’ve called it “in the flow, in the zone, in sync”… You may have called it a number of things, and something that may surprise you now is that your emotions have everything to do with your finding yourself in the midst of it. Your ability to simply be and let go begins with your emotions.

While we may rationalize our lives with logic and deduce with reason, and we may think with our minds and figure out all manner of things… (Can you feel the constriction now?) While we use our minds to great satisfaction, and for fear of not looking strong, we’ve always distinctly known that our “heart” plays an important role in how we live life and the quality of our experience. When it comes to our own evolution and our mastery of being who we are and becoming who we want to be, our emotions play the greatest part.

Emotions are a solid foundation upon which we can build a fluid relationship with this world and the people around us. Sounds crazy, huh? Emotions? Solid? Yes.

Our Explicit Trust of Us

Our emotions allow us to build trust and faith in an uncertain future that is always coming toward us. We like to only put our trust in our minds – somehow we consider that our minds will not fail us like our emotions will. But who told us not to trust our emotions? When we were babies, we trusted every emotion fully. Not even a thought in our head. Mostly because our brains are hardly formed as infants, but also because of the true temporality of emotion. Babies are such great role models and yet we take them for granted with either our fawning over their cuteness, or our annoyance when at wit’s end with the late night crying when we’re sleep-deprived.

The trouble for us as we grew up came at different junctures. It is important to note that they are all learned junctures. At every juncture, we were taught how to respond to our emotions. And mostly, we were taught a negative response.

  • Don’t cry.
  • Big boys don’t cry.
  • Big boys don’t sulk.
  • Big boys don’t whine.
  • Big girls don’t whine.
  • Chin up!
  • Stop pouting, missy!
  • Don’t you put your hands on your hips with me!

then when you got older…

  • You’ve got to toughen up.
  • Don’t be so sensitive.
  • Don’t let it get to you.
  • Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
  • Don’t let your emotions get in the way.
  • Don’t lose it.
  • Don’t let her/him in.
  • Emotions will ruin you.

We learned there was no room for us as we were. Which was not the experience we had as babies. Well… many of us had the experience of being able to cry as babies, and for those of us who did not, this just proves my point sadly at an earlier age than most. And frankly, all of these reasons are why we have to commit to relearning patience with ourselves and our emotional life as the adults we are now, if we are to heal our emotional wounds and recover our natural power as human beings.

A Note on The Vitriol of “Weakness”

A side note here… In a number of Western societies (and frankly, other societies as well), we define being emotional as “weakness.” But wait… We also have a Western world that defines being passionate as “strength.” Merriam-Webster defines both words “emotional” and “passionate” using the word “emotion.” Yet, these two words and the values and meanings placed upon them are at opposing ends of the spectrum. How is that? Meaning much?

09898a97-c951-4e42-98e4-b24c32f8641b

As a society, we place great value on strength and pay a lot of lip service to stopping others and ourselves from being “weak.” I believe in taking the meaning that empowers you. If you were given a faulty meaning regarding emotions as a child, you can always re-frame what emotions mean to you now. Context is everything. Re-framing requires much more than a mental note, and it is highly worth the effort and attention that must be paid for it to be successful. This is what it is to be human. This is our human condition.

emotion as emotion… simply

So what would it be to simply regard our emotions as emotions and nothing more? What would it be to drop all the meanings we’ve added and just deal with the thing without all the added bells and whistles on top?

Drop “weakness.” Drop the opposition perception: “emotions are weak, the mind is strong.” Drop our ideas of crying and vulnerability as weakness, and our ideas of stoicism as anything other than subterfuge (aka smoke and mirrors). Drop anything that doesn’t serve us. Just drop it.

(“Feelings, nothing more than feelings…”)

267H
Photo credit: Gratisography

Look, you have emotions. They are integral to who you are. They are not going anywhere. They are part and parcel of this life experience. There are loads of quotes today about how important emotions are, but is that what you were taught when you were growing up? When you got slapped in the face for being impudent? When you were scolded in front of your friends for not presenting your “best face?” When you were spanked, sequestered, grounded, lectured, disciplined, or otherwise for something you couldn’t control? For being you in that present moment, however that was? Or is that quote on your wall now, reminding you to think differently than how you were taught to think?

If we confront the legacy we were given, we can continue to create a legacy for future generations – our children and children everywhere – that speaks to what we know now, to how we’re evolving, to what we’re discovering and learning anew. Emotions are brilliant. Emotions are superb. Emotions are bomb-diggity. Don’t judge me. Levity is a great equalizer. Yes! Laugh! ‘Cause we’ve got this.

And for those of you who did not forget the series, the next part in this series will deal with the temporality of emotion. Because this too shall pass…

Copyright © 2021 the revolution of bliss -– All rights reserved



* Let’s be real. We all know that there are folks who actually worry about those very things. This could be you. Hopefully, however, they/you are dealing with these fears with the help of a mental health professional. If not, please seek that assistance out.

Real Bliss 702
This Real Bliss is vastly spacious. #therevolutionofbliss
False Positives In Self-Care Can Suck
False positives are more a part of our consciousness than they ever …

Real Bliss 437

copyright © 2021 the revolution of bliss -– All rights reserved

False Positives In Self-Care Can Suck
False positives are more a part of our consciousness than they ever …
Easy Like Sunday Morning
Lionel Richie's song, yes, I am. It's got something to it, and …