self-care can be a bitch sometimes

people having business meeting together

true self-care takes something that some of us resist giving

What’s your go-to for self-care? Massage? Facial? Relaxing bath with scented oils? “Me” time with scented candles and a book?

Or maybe you do more of an in-depth physical self-care? Detox? Fasting? Nutritional care? Acupuncture? Chiropractic? Cupping?

If you do self-care to any extent, you probably do things that make you feel good. This is great. Good self-care, at a physical level, has this effect on us. These acts have impact on how we feel and how we relate to ourselves and others around us. The impact can be steady and slowly unfolding. And frankly, if you’re not doing some level of physical self-care, you may want to begin today. However…


A deeper level of self-care can require going outside of our comfort zones, and going beyond doing what makes us physically feel good for the moment – a temporary response. If we want core good feelings to be our new normal – our new default – we may have to give something up to find the self-care that transforms us at deeper, long-lasting levels.

What is a comfort zone in this instance?

Are comfort zones just for stepping outside of to challenge yourself to take big, bold actions to lead you to feeling like a winner, making more money, having more status and stuff, achieving more, and accomplishing more? (Think Go Big or Go Home.) Maybe… just maybe, comfort zones have nothing to do with this aspect of life at all.

  • Comfort zones keep us “safe”? Check!
  • Comfort zones allow us to stay in a certain range of limited action or even, non-action? Check! Check!
  • Comfort zones encompass the familiar and stave away the unfamiliar? Check! Check! Check!

And guess what your biggest comfort zone is in your life?

Being unwilling to challenge yourself to heal your wounds and care for yourself at deeper levels than you can imagine possible.

Wanna witness a true comfort zone? Watch yourself skip the hard stuff, the confrontation of pain and trauma to stay “safe” and in your familiar area – often on the surface where nothing can touch you and sometimes, even in artifice. This is the true challenge to the real comfort you may be unwilling to give up.

what is this comfort, you ask?

  • Comfort that you find from over-spending at your favorite big-box store.
  • Comfort that you feel when you’re getting your buzz on.
  • Comfort that you feel when you dive into your work to take the edge off of your personal life.
  • Wait for it… Comfort you may find from having mindless sex with people you don’t know.

You know? The kind of comfort that allows you to bypass your pain, resentment, grief, anger, sadness, desperation, devastation or other unwanted feelings. And in truth, there can be no bypass of any emotion, just avoidance or suppression. So where do those emotions go?

To the bottom of the pile. And that bottom is not somewhere outside of your body. No, that place where they go is within you — these emotions lie in wait for a trigger and then, boom! There they go. Like fireworks shooting up into the night sky on July 4th when we were young, these emotions fire off. And the colors are just as big and bold.


Look, you’re already here. You’re already taking steps towards your healing. When will you get to take your next steps? And in what direction?


Healing Modalities from the (r)evolution of bliss

Self-Care 101: Make It Okay to be Human



It’s okay. You can do this.

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Published by MoniqueM

As fierce bliss, I continue to seek and find grace and splendor everywhere. Bliss is a possibility for all of us. I'm here as a guide for anyone who seeks more of their own.

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