Why does fighting never seem to fully bring resolution to a problem?
Isn’t the point of fighting something to make it go away? So why doesn’t it… go away?
Because…
whatsoever
you
fight,
will simply magnify in size.
As it is magnified in your attention, so is it amplified in your experience.
Monique McIntyre
Isn’t the point of the fight to battle something into submission? That problem becomes smaller… That issue drops out of relevance… That matter for great concern becomes less concerning… That’s why you’re fighting it, yes? To win the battle? To overcome? To eliminate the problem entirely? … Instead, that thing you’re fighting is getting bigger. Amplifying. Magnifying. And mostly, within you.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
Said again… Mostly, that thing you’re fighting is amplifying and magnifying in you. You’re becoming embattled. You’re becoming bitter. It’s you becoming despondent to hope, and even more.
You thought when you began the “good fight” that it would lessen the problem. That was your hope. But now… You’re seeing more of the problem than you did when you began. It seems to be all around you. You thought it was possible to fight and win. Now you feel small in the face of the problem. Like it’s so much larger than you. Like it’s larger than life. Like it’s… too big to ever win the fight against.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
To a fighter, this is a strange concept — that the fight is actually exacerbating the problem, the issue, the matter for concern. And yet, it’s real all the same.
This is why fighting will never resolve a problem, instead the problem will simply continue to return. But that absolutely does not mean that fighting isn’t valuable.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
We want to fight. Fighting is the moniker of strength. Who doesn’t want strength? It’s tantalizing, and delicious. Strength is sexy and we love sexy. Being a fighter is instilled in all of us to varying extents. Everywhere we turn these days, from Twitter, to IG, to the television, to the radio, from sports to motivational speakers and so many more outlets, we hear about the “good fight.” Fighting has been a part of our zeitgeist for a very long time; probably, since the dawn of our appearance here on Earth.
We fight to survive. We fight against the elements. We fight to stay alive. We fight to win territory. We fight for dominance. We fight often these days for relevance. We fight for the right to possess something (or someone). We’ve fought and are fighting now for the right to exist. Fighting… This is why war is such an ongoing part of our world. We find the “fight” noble, honorable, and admirable.
But the good fight can leave you bereft of energy. It can leave you bereft of well-being because you’re always fighting and fighting takes an energy level that simply isn’t sustainable for long periods of time… and certainly, not forever. Our nervous systems have two settings for good reason. “Fight or flight” isn’t sustainable for a lifetime. That’s why “Rest and digest” exists. And most detrimental of all, on a heart level, fighting can leave you bereft of hope for your own future. Hope is the one emotion that all of us need in spades. Hope gives you the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope is the source and resource of well-being. Hope is much more than a wish. Hope is the very light that makes the darkness worthy of the journey.
I used to think hope was unworthy. That even hurts to write here. I used to think that hope was some lackluster thing that didn’t deserve my attention. And then my depression set in, and I began to understand that hope wasn’t any of the things I had belittled it to be. Hope saved me. It rescued me from my own darkness. When I realized hope was an emotion and not a wish, it changed my whole life.
Some of us want to put “war” in one realm, and leave our “good fight” in another. But then somewhere deep down we know, each is just the other side of the same coin. What can often compound the issue is when you “fight” that you are a fighter, or even fight that you like to fight, or that fighting is valuable. Then you fight yourself, or at least the way you’ve handled life… and that’s just more fight. It is not necessary to belittle anyone’s need to fight, or to be a fighter, including your own. The greatest opportunity is to transcend the fight. To discover something new that you’ve never known before, instead of continuing to go back to your old standby.
Strength is not just might. It never has been and it never will be might alone. Strength can be found in vulnerability. Strength can be found in rest. Strength can be found in silence. And with new perspective, the sexy can be found in any of these strengths as well.
The Good Fight, be it “good” or not, is still a fight. Fighting begets more of the same. Rest is not complacency. It is rest – an integral part of life and an important part of well-being.
It’s your choice. Always. And know that you can discern far more about resolution to what you see as a problem from connecting to what is within you. And connection requires stillness.
Breathe deep. Know that you are enough. You are larger than life. Life and all that it holds is not larger than you.
So, then. How will the world change, you say? Yes, that is a great question. And maybe the only change that is needed is for you to be the change you wish to see. But that question deserves your fair inquiry. And only you can answer for yourself. The answers are within you. Always.
I only speak from my own experience. I have been a warrior at heart. And I have taught myself, and continue to teach myself, to leave my fight behind. One day at a time. ‘Cause some days it’s all I can do to see the fight for what it is – good, bad or otherwise.
And the win? Well, it’s all in my perspective.
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