A loaded topic. In today’s zeitgeist, where pornography and its influence in the mainstream include a new level of nudity and raunchy behavior in movies, television shows and commercials, and using the word “porn” in casual connection with everyday words, pleasure could easily be whittled down to a sexual nature. Limiting pleasure to the realm of our sexuality would be ridiculous, but probable given the way we box pleasure in. However, pleasure encompasses much more in life.
Much, much more.
There is such stigma about this topic – given our society’s beginnings in Puritanical and Calvinistic chastity – this topic that is too taboo for a great many of us to broach with real openness and honesty. Stigma from morally and religiously superior upbringings take us out of the prospect of what could be an enlightening point of view about our evolution, or transcendence in our own relationship to pleasure. Our resistance to that superiority, or those rigid points of view, is what makes it so easy to fall into rude humor rather than confront the layers of uncomfortable feelings just beneath the surface of that false humor facade – like anyone who laughs to cover the pain of his own embarrassment, or humiliation.
Pleasure is not only sexual in nature. Pleasure is the very essence of feeling good in any event, situation, circumstance or relationship. To many that may sound obvious, but I want to make sure we’re all on the same page before we delve deeper into this topic.
Feeling good is essential to our lives. It is what happiness, joy, hope, ecstasy, enthusiasm, excitement and bliss feel like. Our feelings are important, and we know this intuitively. We all measure these facets of our lives: our health, our aliveness, our relationships, our success in our jobs or careers, our success in community, our purpose for living, by our good feelings.
Our guilt, however, has become the way by which we measure how much pleasure we allow ourselves – we call it, “our fair share.” It’s no wonder we live in a society riddled with addiction, including sex addiction, and anxiety and personality disorders when we give so little credence or esteem to our own pleasure.
My God, a moment of bliss. Why, isn’t that enough for a whole lifetime?
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one… This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype: the overworked executive who goes on vacation, but who cannot relax.
— Elizabeth Gilbert
Pleasure is an integral component to desire. And desire is the very essence of life. When you feel pleasure, you are allowing yourself the gift of feeling the very pulse of life streaming through you in the way it does uniquely in you.
Do you allow yourself to feel pleasure throughout your day? Or do you stave off to feel worry, frustration, concern or anger instead because you might get carried away?
We often look at people who are excited or enthusiastic as if they are bonkers. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is changing, to some extent. As more of us take to YouTube and go viral expressing ourselves, dancing and singing in our cars with wild abandon while stuck in traffic, or anything that expresses our enjoyment of a moment. We are allowing ourselves to do more and feel more, especially after an age of flash mobs. However, there are still so many of us that find it odd to be with someone who just breaks out in laughter… just because.
We still find it difficult to be with pleasure for the sheer sake of pleasure. Even when we allow ourselves that in our bedrooms, we do so behind closed doors, because being in a private environment alleviates our anxiety about pleasure. Unless we’re exhibitionists, and more and more of us are daring to be so. But even putting that label on ourselves implants an idea that expressing sheer pleasure – of any kind – in front of others is foreign, or unwanted. How much “stuff,” negative meaning, have we put – as a society and as individuals – on the words, exhibitionist and exhibitionism?
Maybe that’s even why we have problems with the word, pleasure, and acts of pleasure. We say, “I was pleasuring myself,” to stand for masturbation. How much “stuff,” negative meaning have we placed on masturbation – a natural process for our sexual health – over the years?
Permission is what we get to grant ourselves when we want to experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure. Please remember we are not just speaking of sexuality here. That is the limit I’m endeavoring to go beyond here.
Pleasure is about your whole life. Pleasure is healthy. Pleasure maintains your well-being. Pleasure is the essence of being human.
It is our desire to know pleasure, to seek pleasure and to experience pleasure.
It is the permission you grant yourself to be you.
You can call pleasure “revelry.” You can call it “joy.” You can call it “delight.” Whatever you call it, check with yourself about how much of any of those things you allow yourself on a daily basis.
Some of us need the approval of others first before we’ll grant ourselves permission. That is okay. Often today we press ourselves and others to be what we deem as self-reliant “Go beyond your limits” “Take risks” “Go big or go…” Oh, you know that one, huh?
It’s okay to need approval. I know. Oh! What I said is self-improvement blasphemy. What?!?!?!? Approval?!?!?!?!?!
Yes, it’s okay. It’s okay to be human. If you need another’s permission to grant yourself permission, then delight in seeking it out. What is inspiration after all, but being inspired by someone’s willingness to give themselves permission?
Permission. That’s the word for today, kiddos. Pleasure. That’s the word for your consideration. For your discovery. For your exploration. For your curiosity. For wonderment.
Find a new level at which you will give yourself permission to experience pleasure every day, every moment you’re alive. You’ll experience the very essence of aliveness as you do.
It will transform you.
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