There is one word that can kill your bliss, or any attempts at being blissful, quicker than anything else in life. It is a word that “should” be erased from our lexicon. No, that’s not what I really want to say, but I thought it was a perfect way to point to the very word I’m speaking of. Did you miss it?
The word “should” can kill your joy, your happiness, your levity and your ability to thrive in the now/present moment. The word “should” can be a great killer of possibility. It is certainly not the reason for all impossibility and not a point for blame or fault, but it can bring with it a lot of shame and guilt. “Should” plays a large part in our shaming of ourselves or guilt-ing ourselves (and others too; don’t think anyone goes unscathed) into, or about what we think is supposed to be happening in life.
Yes, we have visions in our heads of what we think life should look like. We have visions of what relationships should look like, visions of what families should look like, visions of what the perfect partner should look like, or visions of what the perfect children would look like. We have visions of what a great job would be like, sometimes that vision is no job at all. Ha! Take this for example, at the outset our job looked like the one that was going to be fulfilling and satisfy us, but then we realized, “Oh, if my job was perfect, this one thing that is happening now definitely would not be happening. It shouldn’t be this way!”
Except… it is this way. This is the way it is.
Look, the word “should” in and of itself does no harm whatsoever. It is purely the way we use it that implies negative connotations and brings up negative emotions that we often end up suppressing, avoiding or ignoring as a way of saying to ourselves, “It’s not that bad. There are just some ways our life is supposed to be that it’s not right now. I’m going to continue to punish myself but I want you (directed toward yourself) to take it like a real man/woman. Don’t think you’re going to get out of this now. We’re going to press on/push through/soldier on/get through this/move forward/(or any other thing we tell ourselves to justify continuing to suffer).”
SUF-FERRRRR-RRRRRING, huh?
Speaking of suffering, we do quite a bit around making decisions, don’t we.
We suffer before the decision… “This shouldn’t be so torturous.”…after the decision… “I shouldn’t have gone this way.”
We bring others into our suffering… “You should know me better so you can tell me what I did wrong.”
We suffer in our desire for life to look a particular way…
“I should be better than this… You should do it this way… She should be kinder to me… He should know better… They should get it right before they speak… I should be… prettier, kinder, braver, more conscious, more loving, more flexible, in line with others, out of the box, bigger, better, larger than life, in control, not righteous, not too boisterous, … blissful.”
The suffering may be subtle to us, but only because we’re so used to it. This is the pain we know so well around how we want things, people, or circumstances to be, but they are not. And the stress is physically impacting you far more than you know. Frankly, we just numb ourselves really well. In fact, it’s built into our brain wiring to help us feel better when we have pain we can’t handle.
But here’s the rub…
We suffer only when we can see things being a particular way and no other, because we’re attached to what we envision. That means we only want it to be that way. Said another way, “Our way or the highway.” Or, more often than the latter, we think it can only be that way to… be good. Because if it’s not that way, then it will all go awry, or it won’t make us feel good, or there will be hell to pay… or any other scenario that plays out in our minds that causes us to be so attached to our one and only vision.
What if there was another way? What if that other way was an easier way?
There is. (Remember, if you said no, you may be opposed to life being easier. “Hard” may be a word you think must apply in order for you to earn anything good for yourself.)
The way of ease. The path of least resistance. It’s called… Surrender.
If you’re interested in creating some ease for yourself, and getting you don’t have to earn it all – that life wants to give you everything, then learn something for yourself about surrender. Begin to discover the serenity possible when we let go of needing to control our environment. These are facts…
- We cannot control our environment.
- We cannot control the people around us.
When we let go of our need to control so many things in our lives, we find that life can take care of itself. Wait.. what is that you said? Did you just repeat to me what I used to say myself? “But life isn’t giving me what I want?” … I get it. I do.
What you need in this case are not tighter reigns. You need a greater level of surrender. And a new level of trust for life and what it is offering you. Not what you wanted to hear? Me either. Before. “Should” will run our lives, and run us right into the ground. The remedy? Seek out, within yourself, what it is that you are really worried about, really afraid of; so concerned might happen but hasn’t yet happened (and frankly, might not ever happen at all). You must confront what it is that you’re uncertain of, unwilling to let go of, or angry at for the way it is, at your core, because it’s the thing that keeps you in the spiral of “should,” in the tension of trying to control everything, in the mesh of the squeeze you feel is upon you.
Someone said something once to me and I knew it was true, but everything in my life – at that time – made it a lie. I finally resolved myself to find the truth of it, and… I did. So I say to all of you here now,
Suffering is optional.
It is. Truth is not truth because there is something inherent in it that makes it so. Truth is truth because you find your way to your own resonance with it. Maybe you don’t ever find resonance with that sentence above; that’s okay too. There is no “should” in actuality. We only make them up because we’ve learned how. They are inherited. But so is love. And so is ease.
Your choice.
It will all work out, and better than you can imagine if you surrender to it all. You have to be willing to find the flow and then love what it’s bringing you. There’s a revolution of bliss afoot, and you can be at the head of it. Come join me.
Monique McIntyre. Founder of The REvolution Of Bliss.com!
