Coaching Tidbits is a series of posts where I share with you freely from my expertise as a life coach and professional leader of personal development courses and transformational seminars. These tidbits are insights I have gleaned from coaching hundreds of people and are meant to be used as suggestions, not to be taken as truth. They are just possible ways of viewing life. and like a new set of glasses, adjusted for clarity, they might give you a more constructive way to view what is right in front of you. Disclaimer: This post is for general educational and informational purposes only, and is not meant to be a substitute for the advice or counsel of a health professional. If you have specific questions about a health matter, you should consult a doctor or other health professional. *Updated as of July 10, 2021 — previously titled Life Coaching Series*
Do you try to rid yourself of your emotions? Do you push them away or ignore them?
Or are you someone who fully experiences your emotions? Do you do this exercise on a daily basis, or only every now and again?
Look, I know emotions can be difficult. And in our society we honor joy and happiness often to our own detriment, because we leave the rest of our emotions in the dirt. Except…
We ARE emotional beings.
Yes, human beings are emotional beings. Not some of us. All of us. As a species. All. Of. Us. And with any truth, you can always find a way to love what you have feared, abhorred, or defended against. It’s all context. That means it’s all perspective.
This is what I know…
An emotion is like an experience. In fact, it is an experience. And just like any experience in your life, once you’ve experienced it, you cannot un-experience it.
You can forget it. It can recede to the background of your memory, but it is yours. Forever. Forever coloring and influencing your thoughts, feelings, and behavior to whatever intensity it moved you as you experienced it.
And when you are experiencing an emotion you don’t want, you may try getting rid of it — moving away from it, getting it away, resisting it, ignoring it, or avoiding it. Or your habit/brain pattern may be an automatic SMUSH-DOWN, aka suppression.
Let me tell you something…
What you resist persists.
New behavior suggestion:
My coaching: Instead of working the “get rid of” technique, try going toward the emotion. Rather than going away from it, move straight into it. Experience its fullness.
Yes, that includes pain, hurt and heartache – especially those.
Look, this is what happens unbeknownst to you when you don’t experience your emotions, they get BIGGER, and DEEPER, and MORE FULL and they can end up a terrifying size and/or boomerang back when you least expect them. Because unbeknownst to you, you’re actually feeding them more and more energy via your resistance.
Instead, when you go toward the emotion, you allow it to play itself out and peter out. Emotions are like the tide, they ebb and flow like the water line on the beach. Wait for the ebb and you can ride the flow.
This can be painful, and if it is too painful in the moment, do not do it at that moment. Wait for a time when you can handle this exercise better. Trying to “make something happen” when you aren’t ready can be just as damaging as allowing the pain to remain because you won’t deal with it.
In the end, however, this can be an exercise that can become second-nature and therefore easier and easier to practice each time you do.
Try it and see.
Now when you do, it’s not a practice of cry more, harder, and louder, or be angry or otherwise. In other words, this is not a matter of “feeding” the drama, or melodrama. This is an act of authenticity. It’s feel your way into the core of the emotion, thereby allowing it to express itself and allowing it to reveal to you what it’s about.
When you’re willing to listen to your feelings and hear what they have to say, they will tell you novels about you.
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This site does not contain medical/health advice. Any medical/health information contained herein is provided for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Accordingly, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate medical/health professionals when embarking on your own healthcare journey.